The theatre world is a small one, but with the introduction of digital theatre as a result of the pandemic, it has become even smaller. This was made obvious when I was asked to produce the digital adaptation of the song cycle …The F*CK Am I Doing? Although the majority of the team like myself is based in London, I immediately noticed the lyricist, Ali Keller, had workshopped selected songs from the show as part of the 2017 ESPA Detention Series and later further developed the …The F*CK Am I Doing? in Adam Gwon’s classes at ESPA. As a former intern and staff member of Primary Stages it was so exciting to know Ali and I had common ground while beginning a production process that would rely on Zoom to connect us from London and New York.

About …The F*CK Am I Doing? 

After …The F*ck Am I Doing? was initially developed at ESPA, it was later produced as part of the 2019 New York Musical Festival Concert Series. Ali describes co-writing …The F*CK Am I Doing? with composer Emily Rose Simons as a weekend long adventure based out of tiny NYC dorm rooms and the result of the two creators asking themselves the question that later became the title of the show. Though it was originally written about millennial burnout and the growing pains of your 20’s, …The F*CK Am I Doing? ‘s exploration of mental health and loneliness sums up the ebbs and flows of this past year living through a pandemic, and is a timely piece sure to be a cathartic experience for anyone who lived through 2020 and has ever felt like they had know idea what the f*ck they are doing. The digital adaptation of the …The F*CK Am I Doing? was produced as a virtual benefit for the UK non-profit Playing Sane and is booked for a digital run at Brighton Fringe from May 29 – June 27 2021. 

Primary Stages Family

After we connected the dots that we both had fond memories and history with Primary Stages we knew we wanted to share how Primary Stages lead us to this moment of working on …The F*CK Am I Doing? 

What has your time at ESPA/Primary Stages looked like?

Ali: I think my first class with ESPA was in 2015 or 2016 – it was a weekend workshop/lecture with Rob Askins. Since then I’ve taken a ton of workshops and writing classes throughout the years. My time at ESPA has evolved from a place to take unique classes no where else seemed to offer, to a place to experiment and test my limits as an artist and find my favorite collaborators. 

Maddie: I was a Development and Special Events intern in the winter and spring of 2019. After the completion of my internship I was lucky enough to return in 2020 as an arts administration assistant as theaters adjusted to working virtually throughout the pandemic. 

What was one of your favorite experiences at Primary Stages/ESPA? 

Ali: As strange as it is to say, one of my favorite experiences at Primary Stages ESPA has been taking classes through the pandemic. Not only was I able to take classes with some of my favorite teachers (shoutout to Adam Gwon and Abe Koogler) and take classes with two of my new favorite teachers (Daniel Talbott and Kait Kerrigan). Through those classes I met a ton of new people, many of whom (teachers included) that were based all over the US and in other countries during this time. And although I would have much preferred working in person, I wouldn’t have met a lot of these amazing people that I now work with regularly if it weren’t for these circumstances. And now I get to cheer on my teachers and classmates who are working all over the world!

Maddie: I have multiple! But similarly to Ali, I am always most grateful to have worked with such wonderful people. I gained incredible mentors, developed what I’m sure will be life-long connections with my fellow intern class, and had the opportunity to pass down my experience to interns when I returned in 2020. I deeply value the creative community that I have cultivated as a result of working with Primary Stages. 

What would your advice be to other ESPA artists or Primary Stages interns?  

Ali: My advice to other ESPA artists would be to take the class that scares you. All the teaches are amazing and meet you where you are, whether you’ve done something a million times or have no idea what they’re talking about on the first day of class. For me those classes were Adam Gwon’s lyric class and Daniel Talbott’s screenwriting class. I basically had no experience entering either of those classes. But by the end, I walked away with a song cycle that was produced at NYMF and with The COW Community in the UK, and a short screenplay that’s won a bunch of awards at film festivals all over the country. But even without those shiny things, they are pieces I am extremely proud of because I pushed myself to create them. I can’t stress enough how great ESPA is for testing your creative limits. You can walk in shouting, “I have no idea what this is or what I am doing!” And you can walk out with a really cool project that people respond to. So take the chance.

Maddie: Ask all the questions! People are so willing to share their experience. Working in theater is so collaborative and the conversations I had at Primary Stages helped me define my goals and sharpen the skills in my toolbox that I carried with me when completing my MFA at the Royal Central School of Speech and Drama and beyond as I look ahead to my career in creative producing. 

For tickets and more information on how to watch the digital production of …The F*CK Am I Doing? at Brighton Fringe click here.

About the Artists

Madeline Osborn (She/Her) 

Based in London and New York, Madeline is a life long performer turned forward thinking creative producer with a passion for curating stories that are indicative of the present culture. Madeline is committed to curating dynamic entertainment through audience-centered methodology. Most recently, she is completing her MFA at the Royal Central School of Speech and Drama where her dissertation has been focused on the intersection of data analysis and audience development as a form of institutional critique. Companies that Madeline has worked with include the English Touring Theatre, Primary Stages, Mercury Musical Developments, and the Musical Theatre Network. Current Projects include: …The F*CK Am I Doing (The COW Commmunity/Brighton Fringe), LEGS (Princess Scissors/Brighton Fringe) and Adeline, a 21st Century Musical (Edinburgh Fringe). She is also a proud B.A. Musical Theatre graduate of James Madison University (Go Dukes!).

Ali Keller (She/Her) 

Ali Keller is a writer, producer, and dramaturg based in NYC where she runs Ali Keller LLC, an independent media development and production company. For information visit https://www.alikellerplaywright.com/